The Salivation Army

The Salivation Army will be launching their third EP 'Start the War' on December 16th at the Victoria Hotel, with Honest Engine and The Adults. The first two EPs 'Basic Training' and 'Boot Camp' are available at Cumbersome Records, Johnston Street Collingwood.

February 2002.

7am.

The Carlton Hotel's the last refuge in the city for the hopeless drunk. After every semi-respectable drinking establishment had closed, the Carlton provided the last outlet to harangue semi-respectable people going to work.

(note: The Carlton is no longer 24 hours and seems to be trying to improve it's reputation. What a bunch of pretentious cunts.)

"Get down on the ground and give me twenty!" And thus Corporal Punishment was enlisted.

Two and a half years later Private Parts was drafted and The Salivation Army was armed, locked and loaded.

General Nuisance. Veteran of seven tours of duty and a botched mercenary operation, General Nuisance was relieved of combat duty and now performs percussion, vocal and leadership duties in the outfit, specialising in demolitions.

Corporal Punishment. Graduated from Black Ops at Melbourne's CUB facility, Corporal Punishment has already proved herself more than capable in the battlefield, specialising in hand-to-hand combat.

Private Parts. Although boasting a long and impressive military record, Private Parts has been unable to advance beyond the rank of private, due to being a barracks rat.

The Salivation Army also has allies in:

Sergeant Sexy. Military past is somewhat unknown, due to classified government files. Despite this, Sgt. Sexy is unquestioningly given control of whatever brigade is in his charge. Specialist in intelligence.

Beer Kelly. Possible illegitimate child of the famous Australian bushranger. Beer Kelly came into contact with Cpl Punishment at the CUB complex. Further information reveals that even this account is sketchy at best. Theories range from him being the son of 100 drunkards to Bob Hawke's father. One thing's for sure - if beer's near, so's Beer Kelly.

PS. Yes we are for real. Although we are a bit stupid.